


fire gone out

by nighting_gale17



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: 3x15 episode tag, Angst, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Wakes & Funerals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-23
Updated: 2020-04-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:33:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23796970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nighting_gale17/pseuds/nighting_gale17
Summary: “Your Daddy was a hero, Christopher,” he answered, gently smoothing his hand over the little boy’s curls.“I don’t want him to be a hero. I want him to be my Daddy!"
Relationships: Evan “Buck” Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 15
Kudos: 107





	fire gone out

**Author's Note:**

> I would apologize for writing this but I’m not going to even though I made myself cry hard enough I got a headache. Anywho, inspired by the most recent episode of 911, ep 3x15, Eddie Begins. Please comment and let me know what you thought! This my first foray into anything quite this sad.

The ceremony was beautiful.

Buck hated it.

He had been the one to tell Christopher. It felt like it was something he owed Eddie and Christopher. Christopher had cried when he first told him—then tried to deny it, pleaded with Buck to bring him back, echoing the same way Buck had pleaded for Bobby to bring him back on that awful, stormy night. That night Buck and Christopher cried together as he held the little boy in his arms until they had no more tears to cry and fell into a fitful sleep, full of nightmares and thunder and water.

Buck tried to stay strong for Christopher, but even he wasn’t strong enough to keep from mourning the loss of his best friend. He knew if the tables were turned—if Buck was the one being buried six feet under—Eddie would have been strong and stoic, a pillar of strength for his son throughout the entire thing.

But now, standing here while the guns went off with Christopher held tightly in his arms, it doesn’t matter what Eddie would’ve done.

Because Eddie is dead.

Even now, thinking it, was like a knife to his chest. Even getting crushed by a firetruck hadn’t hurt this much. The only time he had ever experienced grief like this was when he had lost Christopher in the tsunami—only this time, Buck knew the feeling wouldn’t go away as it had before.

When the twenty-one gun salute was finished and the American flag that had been dropped over the coffin carefully folded, the military officer stepped toward them. He kneeled on the ground in front of their chair and Christopher slowly turned in Buck’s lap, looking up at Buck with tear tracks on his cheeks and a confused look on his face.

“That’s Daddy’s flag, buddy,” Buck murmured thickly, nodding at the folded flag being held out to them. “You’re in charge of keeping it safe, now.”

“I will,” Christopher vowed, his lower lip wobbling a little as he reached out and carefully took the flag from him.

The military official stood and gave them a sharp, long salute before he turned and walked off.

Buck took a deep breath, pressing a soft kiss against Christopher’s curls before lifting him up and setting him on the ground as he stood up. “Come on, Christopher,” Buck said, blinking back tears as he looked down at the young boy. “It’s time to say goodbye to Daddy, now.”

Christopher grabbed Buck’s hand and nodded before he slowly started walking to Eddie’s casket with Buck at his side. It only took a few steps but it felt like an eternity before they arrived in front of the casket. Buck lifted Christopher back into his arms and leaned forward a little so he could press his hand against the wood, warm from the sunlight that had been shining all day.

“Goodbye, Daddy,” Christopher whispered, as if his words were a secret no one else was meant to hear. “I miss you. You take care of Mama up there. I promise I’ll take care of my Bucky down here.”

Tears dripped down his face of their own accord at Christopher’s words and Buck placed his hand on the coffin next to Christopher’s. “We’ll take care of each other,” he promised, a sad smile on his face when Christopher looked at him. “Right?”

“Right.” Christopher nodded in agreement before he looked back down at the casket again. His face scrunched up and his lip started to tremble again. “Why did he have to go?” It was a question Christopher hadn’t stopped asking, and it was one that still broke Buck’s heart to have to answer.

“Your Daddy was a hero, Christopher,” he answered, gently smoothing his hand over the little boy’s curls.

“I don’t want him to be a hero.” He started crying again, removing his hand and clutching the folded flag against his chest. “II want him to be my Daddy!” he let out a broken wail, burying his face into Buck’s shoulder. “I want him to come back!”

“I know, buddy, I know,” Buck held him tighter, pressing a comforting kiss against Christopher’s temple, tasting his own salty tears on his tongue. “I want him to come back too, superman. But he’s gone. He’s gone.” he repeated, unable to choke back his own sob as a fresh wave of grief hit him.

Suddenly a gentle hand landed on his shoulder. Buck jerked his head up, blinking through the tears to see Bobby standing firmly at his side—he’d been a pillar of strength and comfort throughout it all, even dealing with his own grief, and Buck wasn’t sure he would ever be able to thank him.

Buck leaned into him, sinking against the older man as he wrapped his arms tightly around Buck and Christopher, helping hold together all the broken pieces threatening to fall apart in one breath. “We’ll get through this together, kid,” he promised quietly. “You’re never alone.”

Buck let his eyes close briefly for a second, allowing himself this moment of weakness to cry over his best friend—his lover—as a hundred thousand what-ifs and memories waiting to be made were about to be buried under six feet of dirt. Eddie wouldn’t be able to watch Christopher grow up with him, flourish into the amazing man he knew he was going to be with Buck at his side. They wouldn’t be able to cry with each other as their little baby gets married or has kids of his own. Buck wouldn’t be able to grow old with Eddie, treasure those precious, mundane moments any longer.

No more slow dancing in the kitchen in the glow of the moon. No more laughter echoing through the house as another cooking lesson dissolved into a food fight. No more soft kisses in the early morning or breathless acts of love in the late evening.

A hundred thousand memories waiting to be made.

Gone.

**Author's Note:**

> I would apologize for writing this but I’m not going to even though I made myself cry hard enough I got a headache. Anywho, inspired by the most recent episode of 911, ep 3x15, Eddie Begins. Please comment and let me know what you thought! This my first foray into anything quite this sad.


End file.
